(1) O Holy Night by Tiny Tim vs. (3) Hallelujah Chorus by Neil Diamond
I suppose it’s only appropriate that it comes down to horrible covers of perhaps the two most sacred Christmas songs. This is a really tough call.
Is an artist who’s always awful worse? Or one who’s just surprisingly awful every now and then?
Well the votes are in, and only four terrible cover songs remain. We’ve got one matchup of always terrible artists, and another of artists actually famous for having talent.
(1) O Holy Night by Tiny Tim vs. (5) Deck the Halls by William Hung
Tiny Tim vs. William Hung is a matchup made only in hell. Perhaps it comes down to which song being butchered falls farther. A lot of people have done bad versions of “O Holy Night,” but this takes the cake.
Hung defeated Smash Mouth to be here, but is his rendition of “Deck the Halls” also worse than Tiny Tim?
(2) Must be Santa by Bob Dylan vs. (3) Hallelujah Chorus by Neil Diamond
It’s kind of surreal to have a match-up between Bob Dylan and Neil Diamond on the list of the worst. I really hope Bob Dylan was joking.
I’ll just leave this to the person who brought this song to my attention.
We’ll be staring this tournament with the worst cover songs of all time. Polls are on Twitter on my @matchupmovies account.
(1) O Holy Night by Tiny Tim vs. (8) Winter Wonderland by Steve Taylor
The #1 seed in this division is by the only artist to make this list twice, the name-appropriate Tiny Tim. To be fair, “O Holy Night” is a hard song to cover, but to be fair, anyone could do a better job than this wailing ukulele mess.
In case you hate the traditional, run-of-the-mill carols, Christian artist Steve Taylor gives us an awkward mariachi version of “Winter Wonderland,” including a verse in Spanish. It’s an acquired taste, and perhaps one you don’t want to acquire.
(4) Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) by Smash Mouth vs. (5) Deck the Halls by William Hung
This one pains me down to my soul. Darlene Love’s version of “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) is iconic, and Smash Mouth is among my most hated things in the world. Steve Harwell’s voice is worse than nails on a chalkboard honestly. I’d have put this higher if it was better known…. but it’s far from the only bad version (ever hear U2’s version?).
Is this cheating? Yeah, kind of. Everyone knows William Hung is bad (except MAYBE the man himself), so I put this at a #5 seed. And yes, the album is really called Hung for the Holidays.
(3) Hallelujah Chorus by Neil Diamond vs. (6) Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer by Regis Philbin and Donald Trump
Look, the closest Neil Diamond should come to religious music is “I’m a Believer.” This is unbearably painful. How do you mess up one of the simplest songs of all time? If he just shut up and let the choir sing, he’d be fine.
So how do you put “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” on a Christmas album for people over 8 years old? I’d lean towards you just don’t, but Regis Philbin decided to bring in (surely now former) friend Donald Trump. (The friendship ended with Regis saying “Is that your final ethnic slur?) It’s awkward and wasn’t even funny before Trump’s current political career.
(2) Must be Santa by Bob Dylan vs. (7) Jingle Bell Rock by Billy Idol
Bob Dylan does a polka version of a cheesy Christmas kids song. I have no more to say.
Messing up “Jingle Bell Rock” is like cooking an egg wrong… and it looks like Billy Idol left the shell on. Maybe it’s the mix of the laid back arrangement and his powerful voice. Maybe it’s the fact that’s a cheap cash-in. Either way, it’s downright awful.
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