kids

ROUND 3

(1) Santa Claus Has Got the AIDS This Year by Tiny Tim vs. (3) Santa Baby by Eartha Kitt/Madonna

Which song about Santa’s sex life do you prefer? Is the one about an STD worse?

Or is this burlesque, borderline-disturbing song worse?

ROUND 2

(1) Santa Claus Has Got the AIDS This Year by Tiny Tim vs. (5) Santa Claus is Watching You by Ray Stevens

God bless us everyone.

STDs or stalking, which is a worse topic for a Christmas song?
(2) Baby It’s Cold Outside vs.(3) Santa Baby by Eartha Kitt/Madonna

Say, what’s in this drink?

Both versions are bad, but Madonna’s is worse.

ROUND 1

Somehow these songs slipped by the censor .Just make sure your kids aren’t including these in their Christmas caroling this year.

(1) Santa Claus Has Got the AIDS This Year by Tiny Tim vs. (8) Tony the Tuna by the Penthouse Playboys

I am absolutely speechless. How does this song exist? Sure, it came out long before we knew a lot about the AIDS epidemic, but how was this ever supposed to be funny? Why does this song treat AIDS like it’s a curable disease Santa will only be fighting this year? Why is it constantly referred to as THE AIDS? I have a million more questions, so this better move on so I can ask them all.

Sorry, any Christmas carol with the line “He’s making a list/Checking it twice/Somebody’s gonna get whacked tonight” isn’t all bad.

(4) Back Door Santa by Clarence Carter vs. (5) Santa Claus is Watching You by Ray Stevens

Words like “innuendo” and “suggestive” are often used in relation to this song, but those words are far too nice. This one makes “Afternoon Delight” look subtle.
If you’re ever in the mood for a comedy singer who isn’t funny and isn’t talented, Ray Stevens should be right up your alley. For over fifty years (seriously), this guy has made a career out of recording unfunny songs that apparently some people like. For some reason, this ode to stalking seems to rear its ugly restraining order every holiday season.

(3) Santa Baby by Eartha Kitt/Madonna vs. (6) Santa Stole My Girlfriend by The Maine

This is a dumb song regardless of the singer, but Eartha Kitt’s version is so goofy and tongue-in-cheek that I can almost let it go. Madonna’s version on the other hand is disturbing and truly unpleasant.

Ever hear a Christmas song call Santa a bitch? That’s the only unique thing about this otherwise boring lost-love number. It just happens the guy lost his love to St. Nick.

(2) Baby It’s Cold Outside vs. (7) Santa Hates Poor Kids by Your Favorite Martian

Attention anyone ever making a Christmas album: STOP COVERING THIS SONG. More or less the non-consensual version of “Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow,” we need to instate a ban on “Baby It’s Cold Outside.” I don’t care if a band think it’s being cute by switching the genders, no song with the line “Say what’s in this drink?” deserves airplay.

This song sure think it’s funny, doesn’t it? The filthiness just comes out sounding forced and unfunny, however.

You’ve got 24 hours to vote!

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