trad

ROUND 3

(7) Marshmallow World vs. (8) Ding Dong Merrily High on High

Well it’s the 7 seed vs. the 8 seed, because apparently I don’t know what old songs people hate the most. That said, Marshmallow World is truly annoying and should probably be retired from rotation on Christmas radio.

The onomatopoeia aside, I have no real issue with this song. At least it has a tune.

ROUND 2

This bracket surprised me on the whole in round 1, but let’s see which old songs are so bad they need to be retired for good.

(4) The First Noel vs.(8) Ding Dong Merrily High on High

Didn’t someone tell this writer to move the song along any faster? This one has been delaying the church lunch rush in December for years.

You all must hate onomatopoeia even more than I do, or you just laughed at “ding dong.”

(6) We Three Kings vs. (7) Marshmallow World

It’s a song with a whole verse about myrrh. I’m not gonna hate it as much as you do.

Why is listing things an acceptable way of writing a song? THIS is what started the fire, Billy Joel.

ROUND 1

For some reason, these songs are called “standards.” The only rule in this category is that the songs have to be at least 50 years old, but some of these have been around for centuries.

(1) I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus vs. (8) Ding Dong Merrily High on High

Nothing says Christmas like a kid thinking his mom is cheating on his dad with Santa. It’s not cute, and it’s going to scar that kid for life.

I don’t like onomatopoeia, and especially not in song titles. No self respecting Christmas song has “Ding Dong” in the title.

(4) The First Noel vs. (5) Here Comes Santa Claus

How many verses does this thing need? Even worse, the song’s story is so slow-moving. This is one whole verse: “This star drew nigh to the north-west/O’er Bethlehem it took its rest/And there it did both stop and stay/Right over the place where Jesus lay.” How does “The star stopped above Jesus” warrant a whole verse?

Why does this throwaway song about Santa Claus suddenly bring Jesus into the third verse? I’ve never understood that, and from reading lists of the worst Christmas songs, I’m not the only one. Also, how narcissistic does Santa have to be to name a street Santa Claus lane?

(3) 12 Days of Christmas vs. (6) We Three Kings

What do you want for Christmas? Whatever it is, I can almost guarantee it’s not birds and slave labor.

Yeah, I don’t hate this one at all, but I can see why someone would. A verse for each gift, seriously?

(2)The Little Drummer Boy vs. (7) Marshmallow World

Every other lyric is “Parum-pum-pum-pum.” That alone justifies the #2 seed.

Here’s some stuff that happens in winter. Why don’t I just write a song about it?…. Oh my do I hate songs that simply list things.

24 hours to vote for these “classics.”

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