Before we officially declare a song to be the Worst Song Ever, let’s take a look at the 25 worst lyrics from the songs in this tournament. Just like with the voting, some of these choices were difficult.
Shove a gerbil in your ass through a tube (repeated endlessly)
24. No Means No
But I really wanna hit it girl/No means no/I can do it for a minute girl/No means no
23. Rico Suave
My only addiction has to do with the female species/I eat ’em raw like sushi
22. Indian Outlaw
You can find me in my wigwam/I’ll be beatin’ on my tom-tom/Pull out the pipe and smoke you some/Hey and pass it around
Got some more Native American stereotypes for us, Tim?
21. Mambo No. 5
Anything fly, it’s all good let me dump it/Please set in the trumpet
20. Ascension Millennium
Times are hard and this is true, but you can edit it to you/Cause this reality is only temporaripermanently
Corey Feldman’s career has lasted temporaripermanently.
19. Disco Duck
Flapping my arms I began to cluck/Look at me, I’m the disco duck
Ducks don’t cluck. I believe I’ve made my feelings on this clear.
It is chocolate starfish keep on rollin’ baby move in
17. Seasons in the Sun
But the stars we could reach Were just starfish on the beach
Moral of the story: Don’t write songs about starfish.
16. Summer Girls
New Kids On The block had a bunch of hits/Chinese food makes me sick
15. Havin’ My Baby
The need inside you, I see it showin’/Whoa, the seed inside ya baby, do you feel it growin’
Look, the whole song makes me nauseous, I just had to pick one.
14. Accidental Racist
If you don’t judge my do-rag/I won’t judge your red flag
13. Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue
And you’ll be sorry that you messed with the U.S. of A./Cause we`ll put a boot in your ass, it`s the American way
Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers put a boot in the ass of… yeah, no, not the American way.
12. The Christmas Shoes
I knew that God had sent me that little boy to remind me what Christmas is all about
Yes, Christmas is all about contrived sob stories and oversung vocals. You’ve nailed it, NewSong.
11. Just the Way You Are (Drunk at the Bar)
I like you just the way you are, drunk as shit dancing at the bar/I like it and I can’t wait to get you home, so I can do some damage.
I did it all for the nookie, the nookie/So you can take that cookie and stick it up your, yeah!!
One of the worst rhymes in music history.
9. Honky Tonk Badonkadonk
Got it goin’ on like Donkey Kong/And whoo-wee shut my mouth, slap your grandma
8. MacArthur Park
Someone left the cake out in the rain, I don’t think that I can take it/’Cause it took so long to bake it and I’ll never have that recipe again
Should I save the recipe? Nah, I don’t think I’ll need it.
But what if you leave the cake out in the rain?
7. Where I Come From
This tall lady stopped and asked if I had plans for dinner/Said no thanks ma’am, back home we like the girls that sing soprano
It doesn’t even try to rhyme… which would be fine, except the rest of the song does.
6. He Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss)
He hit me and it felt like a kiss/He hit me and I knew he loved me
5. Get Down
Gonna make you come tonight… over to my house
Prime Dewey Cox writing… terrible writing from anyone else.
4. Smart Girls
Wouldn’t it be nice If they gave PhD’s/For strokin’ me with hypotheses
Painfully rhymed, vomit-worthy, and it ruins a classic Beach Boys song. Anything else you’d like to add?
3. Figured You Out
And I love your lack of self-respect while you passed out on the deck/I love my hands around your neck
This is probably what Nickelback calls a love song.
2. Accidental Racist
If you don’t judge my gold chains/I’ll forget the iron chains
1. Summer Girls
When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet/Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets
This is a song that randomly throws in lines just for a rhyme, but this doesn’t rhyme! Not only does it make no sense, the words don’t rhyme! What’s the point of this?