Mad Monster Party?

• Year: 1967
• Director: Jules Bass
• Starring: Boris Karloff, Allen Swift, Phyllis Diller

The final weird Halloween special is an appropriate place to end, as it’s a loving tribute to all things classic horror. Mad Monster Party? (And yes, it has a question mark in the title) could easily have been a forgettable run-through, but it validates itself by casting Boris Karloff himself in the lead role! Sure, it was not the highest point in his career (He would do Targets the following year, though), but an animated monster movie with Boris Karloff is far better than one without it.

Mad Monster Party? comes to us from Rankin/Bass, famous for their cheesy but charming stop-motion Christmas specials, and also the pretty enjoyable cartoon adaptation of The Hobbit. MMP? is a stop-motion cartoon in the vein of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer or Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town, but just focusing on Halloween instead of Christmas. Believe it or not, this actually got a theatrical release.

While working in the lab late one night, Baron Boris von Frankenstein (Boris Karloff) comes across his greatest discovery—a liquid that will completely destroy anyone and anything.

Why a man who was constantly working to create life has now created death is never really discussed, but anyway, he’s happy and has to write to all his monster friends and tell them the good news.

Over the opening credits, we see all the various monsters and villains getting their invitations, and it’s actually a pretty nice sequence. However, it’s hard to miss the fact that some of these monsters appear in their most traditional form, while others do not. It’s as if some of them are characters out of novels that anyone is free to adapt, while others are out of movies that you would have to pay for the rights to. It’s a little game I like to call…

Alright, let’s begin. Frankenstein’s Monster comes right from Mary Shelley’s novel, which is in the public domain. However, since the 1931 movie is not, we can’t have him looking identical to the Karloff version.

Since the iconic Bride of Frankenstein is film-only, we can’t show her with her iconic looks. Instead, she is only called the Monster’s Mate, and she looks a lot like Phyllis Diller.

Oh, she’s also voiced by Phyllis Diller, because why not? She even has a song called “You’re Different” that comes out of absolutely nowhere and is barely a song. Oh Rankin/Bass, who ever said songs in musicals have to further the plot?

Who’s next up in Public Domain Roulette? Let’s take a look at this film’s Dracula.

He’s technically based on Bram Stoker’s character, but the impression is about 60% Bela Lugosi. The other 40% seems to be old-timey gangster for some very strange reason, and he even looks a bit like Edward G. Robinson. It’s really weird. I also think The Count from Sesame Street took some inspiration from this character, especially with the monocle.

The Mummy is not based on the 1932 Universal film, but it’s a mummy. There’s a pretty generic look you can get away with when one is wrapped in bandages.

On the other hand, both Dr. Jekyll and The Hunchback of Notre Dame are taken from public domain novels, and neither really has an iconic look that is owned by a studio.

The Hunchback does kind of look inhuman though, and he’s never even called Quasimodo.

The Invisible Man is an interesting case, as he’s based on the public domain H.G. Wells novel, but he’s dressed and sounds like Sydney Greenstreet’s character in Casablanca. Um… alright then.

Because why shouldn’t the Invisible Man wear colorful clothing you could easily pick out in a crowd?

I guess a Claude Rains impression would have gotten you sued by Universal, so you just picked a different Casablanca actor? I mean, it’s a solid Sydney Greenstreet impression, and I’m sure all the kids watching just loved The Maltese Falcon and Casablanca. Now I’m just imagining Bogart as the Invisible Man instead…

Of all the invisible men in all the world, she walks into me.

Oh you don’t like that Casablanca quote? Well there’s always “Here’s not looking at me, kid” or “I stick my neck out for nobody.”

How about The Creature from the Black Lagoon? Just kidding, he’s only called “The Creature,” which is also what Frankenstein’s monster is called in some versions, so try not to be confused.

You know I’m saving the worst one for last, don’t you? Let’s get this over with. This is the Universal Wolf Man.

Here is the werewolf (they can’t even say “wolf man” in this film) that Mad Monster Party? gives us.

Now don’t get me wrong, the werewolf makeup in The Wolf Man looks nothing like a wolf, but it’s iconic nonetheless. Not only does this werewolf look entirely different, he never even transforms! That’s not even a werewolf! That’s literally just a wolf.

Anyway, all of the monsters come from their humble abodes and travel to the Isle of Evil where Boris von Frankenstein lives. Also invited is our “hero,” Frankenstein’s nephew Felix Flanken. Flanken is voiced by Allen Swift, doing a Jimmy Stewart impression for some reason. I mean, it’s a good impression, but the character doesn’t look anything like Stewart, and Stewart never really did horror movies.

Swift actually voices every character in this film who isn’t Phyllis Diller, Boris Karloff, or Boris’s assistant Francesca (Gale Garnett). I honestly thought Felix’s boss was voiced by the same guy who did Yukon Cornelius in Rudolph, but apparently not.

As you would expect, there are plenty of puns and one-liners about the monsters. Some of them work, like when Felix says he can’t see the Invisible Man without his glasses, leading him to laugh it off because he’s “heard that one before.” Others are really painful, like Felix thinking Dr. Jekyll wants to play hide and seek, and then hiding for 12 hours until he doesn’t come.

Meanwhile, Boris is making extra preparations to make sure that “It” doesn’t arrive. We are never told who or what “It” is until we see it, but you better believe it isn’t in the public domain. Anyway, Boris has his butler Peter Lorre arrange for a troop of zombies to fly around the island to block “It” (I’ll admit the Corpse Corps is an amusing pun.).

The character is called Yetch, but I’m just gonna call him Peter Lorre. Someone on this production team really liked Casablanca and/or The Maltese Falcon.

Peter Lorre is really creepy towards Francesca, taking every rejection from her as a signal that she loves him. There’s also a long, entirely pointless sequence where Peter Lorre goes into the kitchen and chats with Chef Mafia Machiavelli about what’s for dinner.

Hold on… Chef MAFIA MACHIAVELLI? You’re going to name the stereotypical Italian chef after two of the absolute worst things in Italian history? This would be like naming a German chef Adolf Germancuisine. Not only is the name awful, but this guy’s Italian accent and mannerisms accent are so exaggerated that I bet even other Italian stereotypes would have an issue with it. Let’s find out. What do you think, Poppie from Seinfeld?

This-a-one is a bit too over the top for my tastes. He’s not even a good chef.

How about you, Italian restaurant owner from Lady and the Tramp?

Oh this is a type/It’s a stereotype/And my mouth says “Hell-a No eh.”

And finally, what do you think Enzo the Barber from Seinfeld? (You know what? I’m starting to think Seinfeld may have had a slight problem with Italian stereotypes.)

Even I-a think-this-a one goes too far.

Well it appears all three Italian stereotypes have given this one the boot, which officially means it has gone too far. Apparently, this scene wasn’t even in the original film, but the producers wanted Rankin/Bass to expand the thing to 90 minutes. I can’t believe I’m asking for this, but why couldn’t you have just written another pointless song?

Speaking of pointless songs, let’s talk about “Stay One Step Ahead,” the most bizarre, out of nowhere moment in the whole film. Boris is showing Felix around his laboratory in castle east and trying to convince him to take over as head of the monsters. When Felix says he’s not sure he’s up for the job, Boris gives him some advice… in song… with the help of some little singing monsters we never see anywhere else in the entire special. It feels like something out of The Muppet Show!

So, interesting fact—When Boris Karloff did his voice work for How the Grinch Stole Christmas, he informed the production team that he was not a good singer, and therefore couldn’t perform “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.” This of course led to an iconic version of the song sung by man-with-the-lowest-voice-and-coolest-name-ever Thurl Ravenscroft. Here, apparently he didn’t tell anyone he couldn’t sing, and he just kind of talks his way through the number, letting the background singers do the heavy lifting. Also, is it just me, or does this song sound eerily similar to “Put One Foot in Front of the Other” from Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town? Way to plagiarize yourself three years later, Rankin/Bass.

At the titular Mad Monster Party (?), the scene is rocking and all are digging the sounds.

The skeleton band is playing a song about The Mummy, because he’s not really important to this special otherwise. It does have a noticeable organ track, even though there is clearly no keyboard player in the lineup! I’d call it a bare-bones arrangement, but Rankin/Bass would probably try and hire me for that pun.

I don’t know why a special that relies on the charm of every monster being in one place needs much of a plot, but whatever, let’s have the monsters connive against Boris’s plan to put his nephew in charge. Francesca makes a deal with Dracula to do away with Felix and rule together, and they have a pretty pointless Old Hollywood song and dance sequence about it.

However, Phyllis Diller overhears and it leads to a cat fight with actual meow sound effects. Um… alright then.

Francesca tries to double cross Felix, but they eventually fall in love, because plot reasons. Oh, but what’s the inciting incident that makes her fall head over heels for him? She begins to freak out about the monsters, and he slaps her… twice. Almost immediately after this, she begins to passionately kiss him. WHAT? Rankin/Bass, what were you thinking? You’re better than this… I think. This wasn’t funny ever. In fact, it’s really the only scary thing in the special.

Eventually, all of the monsters team up against Felix, but their plan doesn’t go too well until “It” awakens, and who is “It?”

Thankfully, no.

Sadly, no.

Yep, it’s King Kong. However, since we can’t say “King Kong” as he was created for the 1933 film of the same name, he is only referred to as “It.” Despite not looking much like King Kong, some of the same trick photography that was used to film Kong in the classic film is used here, and it’s a nice little shout-out.

It eventually ends when Boris lets Francesca and Felix escape, and sacrifices himself by using the liquid he created at the beginning to DESTROY THE ENTIRE ISLAND AND EVERYONE ON IT! There’s even a Batman-esque “KABOOM” title card for some reason.

Wow, Rankin/Bass, you went full Dr. Strangelove on us. I mean, I know the two “heroes” escape, and pretty much everyone else (besides Boris) was a villain, but you just wiped them all out with an explosion.

Anyway, Felix and Francesca watch from the boat, but Francesca reveals that she is one of Frankenstein’s creations (which has been implied throughout). In one of the most ridiculous, forced shout-outs I’ve ever seen, Felix says “Well Francesca, none of us are perfect.” Hey, here’s a good rule to follow if you’re going to reference one of the most famous closing lines of all time: GET THE LINE RIGHT! He also glitches and says this line over and over, suggesting that they’re both robots, I guess. Whatever.

It’s silly, overly-long, and has a few things that are very dated, but on the whole, Mad Monster Party is a fun love letter to the Universal Monsters of the ’30s and ’40s. There are even some pretty clever jokes, like Francesca forgetting which object is the Achilles’ heel of each monster. Most of the songs are catchy, albeit incredibly random, and most of all, it’s worth it for Boris Karloff’s genuinely committed performance. It’s weird, but in the best ways.

Well, we’ve gotten through all six, and I’ll wrap up with some final thoughts tomorrow.

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Tim Burton’s Hansel and Gretel

• Year: 1983
• Director: Tim Burton
• Starring: Michael Yama, Andy Lee, Alison Hong

The production behind today’s special is perhaps better-known than the contents of the special itself. In 1983, now-famed director Tim Burton was working for Disney when he made a Hansel and Gretel special to air on Halloween night on The Disney Channel. It never aired again, due to being too frightening for children, and a year later Burton was fired from Disney for making the also-too-frightening Frankenweenie. Disney of course made The Black Cauldron the next year, making these excuses for firing Burton totally ludicrous, but that’s beside the point.

Just an overview of this special will give you an idea of the truly weird experience you’re in for? Let’s see, are there sets that feel like they’re out of a school play?

CHECK

An evil stepmother played by an actor who is obviously a man?

CHECK

A wicked witch who looks like Pee Wee Herman in costume and sounds like Paul Lynde?

CHECK

Music by the guy who scored Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood?

CHECK

I have no intention to mock John Costa, who was a brilliant jazz pianist in his own right. He refused to play simple “children’s” music on Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood and improvised his mature jazz piano on set every day. He was so good that he was dubbed the “White Art Tatum,” by jazz great Art Tatum himself! That said, his serene style is a weird match for this special, as it feels like he was just told to compose some music without knowing what kind of program he was composing for. It’s incredibly pleasant to listen to, but it’s jarring in the context of this special. Maybe he thought he was composing for a harmless adaptation of a fairy tale? Who knows?

One thing you’ll also notice right off the bat is that the cast is entirely made up of Asian actors. Apparently, Tim Burton was obsessed with Japanese culture at the time he made this special. It may seem odd at first, seeing as how “Hansel and Gretel” is best known as a (German) Grimm Brothers fairy tale, but pretty much every fairy tale has origins dating back centuries, and in some case millennia, resulting in all kinds of versions of the story worldwide. Although “Hansel and Gretel” is believed to have been written during the Great Famine of the early 1300s, it has been interpreted and told in various countries, cultures and time periods.

As for the story itself, it follows the traditional beats. Hansel (Andy Lee) and Gretel (Alison Hong) are two children who live with their father (Jim Ishida), a poor toy maker, and their wicked stepmother (Michael Yama).

In the Grimm Brothers’ version of the fairy tale, it’s stated that the mother (Yeah, it’s not even the step-mother, ouch) abandons the children in the woods because of a famine in the land. I mean, it’s still incredibly evil, but at least there’s a motivation. Here, the stepmother just abandons them because she hates them. The first time, Hansel drops some rocks on the ground to show him the way back, but the second time, a mechanical toy duck the stepmother gave them eats the rocks on the way (just go with it).

I never understood that “See the forest for the trees” thing until now.

Come on Burton, I know you’re working with no budget here, but couldn’t you at least give the impression that this is a forest one could get lost in? It appears to be maybe five times as long as the house. It’s not even that thick! How is anyone getting lost in that?

Anyway, after spending the night lost in the woods, Hansel and Gretel see the duck stand up straight and lead them to the famous candy house, which, honestly, doesn’t look half-bad.

I mean, it does kind of look like it’s about to fall over, but at least it’s colorful. As they approach the house, they’re greeted by the Witch.

OK look, I don’t care how young or naive you are, how do you not know this is a witch? Also, the witch is played by the same actor who plays the step-mother, which is actually a reference to some versions of the fairy tale which suggest that they are the same person. Now I’m not sure why a step-mother would logically go to all the trouble to dress up as a witch and kill them, when she could have just killed them in the forest anyway, but it’s a fairy tale. I’m not going to call out every bit of logic in fables that date back centuries. It’s more about the symbolism than the logic. Thankfully, there weren’t internet comments in the days of the Brothers Grimm.

When Hansel and Gretel enter the house, they see a huge cake on the table. They run right towards it, apparently without realizing or caring that there are little replicas of them on top of it! This is really something you should take notice of, kids.

However, when they go to eat the cake, they find out it’s rock solid. The witch laughs and laughs that they fell for it, but then insists that the table and chairs are edible. Wow Burton, you really wanted to make Charlie and the Chocolate Factory years before you actually did, didn’t you?

Having had a long day of being lost and eating candy, Hansel and Gretel go to bed. I have to say, this seems like a pretty faithful retelling so far. It’s weird, but I’m not sure what’s so traumatizing about it.

Their beds come to life?

WHAT? How Freddy Krueger is this movie gonna go? Anyway, Hansel gets sucked into the basement where the witch intends to fatten him up before eating him. However, she only gives him ONE GINGERBREAD COOKIE! I know the story takes place over a much longer period of time, but what good is this going to do? Is it a magically fattening cookie?

In what universe is that gingerbread? Not only is it terrifying, there is not anything about it that resembles gingerbread! Is there that much frosting? Oh, also he talks. He keeps egging Hansel on to eat him and makes puns that sound like rejected jokes from The Paul Lynde Halloween Special, like “I feel pretty crummy.” Then, in the special’s weirdest moment (and there is some stiff competition), the gingerbread thing sings his own version of Rod Stewart’s “Da Ya Think I’m Sexy?” That’s right, a gingerbread in a children’s TV special based on a fairy tale says “If you think I’m tasty and you want my body, come on Hansel, take a bite.”

However, Hansel ends up not eating the whole thing, which means he’s strong enough to fight off the witch’s attacks.

They get into something vaguely resembling a kung fu fight (Chinese not Japanese, Tim), and the witch eventually falls into her own oven. This causes her house to melt and a giant swan rises up to take the children home.

When they get home, the father admits that he sent the swan, which doesn’t really make any sense, since it magically rose up out of the wreckage, but whatever. The swan also spits out coins, meaning the family is now rich. Huh? Didn’t the father invent it? Is he a counterfeiter now? Is the special suggesting he made money in town? If so, why is he hiding the money in a swan that he sent into the forest to find his lost children? Why not a bank?

I understand why Disney canned this thing after one airing. It’s not even so much that it’s too scary, but it’s just weird. Everything after Hansel and Gretel enter the witch’s house is just one strange creative decision after another. I don’t want to mock child actors too much, but Andy Lee is really not doing a great job here as Hansel. That said, all of the other actors are passable. I have no clue if Burton wasn’t given enough money to work with, or was under the influence of some very strong hallucinogens, but this is truly bizarre and unprofessional. It’s easily the weirdest thing I’ve seen yet.

Well we’ve only got one special left, but it is from weirdness masters Rankin/Bass, so who knows? It could be even weirder.

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Halloween (2018): Non-Spoiler Review

We really need an official subtitle for this one. I suppose if two movies can be called Halloween II, then three separate movies can be called simply Halloween, but let’s agree on something. How about the original title for H20—The Revenge of Laurie Strode? How about Halloween H40? I’d personally prefer Halloween: The Retcon of Michael Myers. Anyway, this Halloween sequel only follows up on the events of the first, ignoring all the other sequels.

Well I just saw the new Halloween (whatever we’re calling it), so I’ll offer up my non-spoiler review (There will be a longer one in the future). It’s 40 years after the original Halloween, and Laurie Strode remains traumatized by the events of the original, now living in an ultra-secure house in the woods outside of Haddonfield. She has a strained relationship with her daughter (Judy Greer), but a strong one with her granddaughter (Andi Matichak). Meanwhile, Michael Myers is about to be transported from Smith’s Grove to a maximum security prison, but as you can guess, that doesn’t go so well.

Ultimately, Halloween is a pretty enjoyable follow-up to the John Carpenter classic. It never quite captures the unsettling nature of the first, where it felt like this innocent small town life was being corrupted and we were getting a first-hand view of it, but it’s solid. This feels more like a professional studio film, which obviously it is, but some of that charm of those unsettling tracking shots is lost. The film is still incredibly atmospheric, and there are some very tense moments heightened by an incredible score, but it’s definitely not as scary as the original.

The acting, unsurprisingly, is quite good. Jamie Lee Curtis is of course the stand-out, finally getting the Laurie Strode follow-up she deserves (I still like her characterization in H20 in theory, but not so much in execution.). Andy Matichak is great as Laurie’s granddaughter Allyson, as is Haluk Bilginer as Dr. Sartain, the new Loomis, and pretty much all of the supporting cast does well. Oddly enough, the only character I thought didn’t work so well in the first half of the film was Laurie’s daughter, Karen. I think Judy Greer is a fantastic actress (Watch The Descendants if you need proof.), and she always has an incredibly likable screen presence, but she has some weird lines early on in this film that even Meryl Streep couldn’t sell. Thankfully, they’re few and far between, and by the end, Greer is one of the film’s standouts.

The kills here are pretty over-the-top, not as disgusting as the ones in Zombie’s films or as goofy as the ones in Resurrection, but they’re definitely not as subtle as the ones in the original. I personally prefer horror that leaves a lot to the imagination, which is why I love the original Halloween and love Black Christmas even more, so they feel a bit excessive to me here. The only other issue I had with this film was the sheer number of shout-outs to other Halloween films. Some were underplayed and clever, like a cop joking about banning Halloween (which was done in Curse) and Laurie saying “That’s the idea,” a shout-out to a less famous quote from the original film. There’s even a quick shot where some trick-or-treaters are wearing Silver Shamrock masks from Season of the Witch. However, there is one brief scene that is just directly lifted from Halloween II, another where Laurie down a glass of wine just like in H20, and plenty of others that feel ultra-derivative. These by no means ruin the movie, but they feel a bit excessive.

Ultimately, Halloween is a well-acted, well-directed followup to the original film, and I’m pretty sure it will be accepted as the best of the Michael Myers sequels. If you’re a fan of the original, it’s well worth your time.

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The Devil and Daniel Mouse

• Year: 1978
• Director: Clive A. Smith
• Starring: Annabel Kershaw, Jim Henshaw, Chris Wiggins

You know what the kids love? American folk tales from the early 20th century written in the style of even older folk tales. Well that’s what Canadian animation studio Nelvana thought in 1978, as they gave us a modern updating of The Devil and Daniel Webster with mice.

Instead of Daniel Webster being a great American orator and politician, he’s a struggling, outdated folk singer named Daniel Mouse (Jim Henshaw). Instead of Jabez Stone being a poor farmer who sells his soul to the devil, she is a mouse named Jan (Annabel Kershaw), who is Daniel’s singing partner. Instead of the Devil… no he’s still the Devil. However, instead of Mr. Scratch, he goes by B.L. Zebub, because that sounds natural.

As if he wasn’t unsubtle enough, the Devil also has an assistant Weez Weezel, a weasel (shocker) voiced by Martin Lavut. Maybe there’s only one way to portray a weasel, but it does seem like this guy may have had some influence on the weasels in Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

Anyway, Daniel Mouse and his partner Jan are a folk duo about 15 years after folk music’s heyday. They try to play clubs in whatever the mouse equivalent of Greenwich Village is, but they’re told that rock and disco are all the craze now (because those two are so similar).

When Daniel goes to sell his guitar for money, Jan happens to come across the Devil (as one does), who claims he’s a big record producer who can make her rich and famous. He hands her a contract so long that she can’t read it in the time required, so she signs it without reading it all (Has anyone actually ever read the terms and conditions?), even without asking for any proof of what the Devil can do! If you’re going to sign a contract that promises you the world, ask for a little proof! Look at the 1941 adaptation of The Devil and Daniel Webster. The Devil has to prove that there is gold under Jabez’s barn for Jabez to sign with him.

In Faust, the Devil gives the titular character a trial run before agreeing to sell his soul. Even comedies like Bedazzled parody this kind of scene because it’s pretty necessary to someone signing a contract with the Devil! Here, while Jan considers not signing, she eventually caves when the Devil threatens to leave.

With the help of the Devil and his weasel, Jan rebrands her folk music as more funk/pop… wait is that some kind of “Pop Goes the Weasel” joke? I doubt it, that’s too clever for this special.

The weasel also conjures up a band for her from the pits of Hell, but since this is a kids’ special, they just kind of appear, opting to leave the more demonic elements ambiguous in this special that features Satan incarnate.

However, time runs out quickly for Jan, as the contract specified she owes her soul to the Devil on the night of her greatest performance. Um… technically her first performance would be her greatest up until that point, right? Whatever.

The Devil gives her until midnight per the contract, so she tries to ask her band mates for help, but they read in the newspaper that she hasn’t paid her union dues.

Hey, he’s reading my favorite newspaper HOELZ00NCE.

Of course, the only person who can help her is Daniel Mouse, who, just like in The Devil and Daniel Webster, insists on a trial. The Devil agrees as long as he can pick the judge and jury, and only if Daniel puts his soul on the line too. I mean, I get that we’re adapting The Devil and Daniel Webster here, but do kids really want a trial in their cartoons? You change the farming to modern music, but you don’t change this?

Alright, I have seen some really awful trials portrayed in film and TV, but this by far has to be the most ridiculous and illegal trial I have ever seen. I don’t care if the Devil is involved, because he was in both The Devil and Daniel Webster and The Devil’s Advocate and seemed to have a firm grasp on the law. First, the Devil picks the weasel to be the judge, who calls the case The Devil vs. Daniel Mouse, which is NOT HOW TRIALS WORK! Jan is the defendant, not Daniel, who is clearly the lawyer representing her. Although the trial isn’t named in the original short story, the film version of The Devil and Daniel Webster gets this right. Despite Daniel Webster being in the title and arguing in the protagonist’s defense, the court clearly states that the trial is The Devil vs. Jabez Stone. Here, instead of The Devil vs. Funky Jan (or whatever her real name is), we get The Devil vs. Daniel Mouse.

Just like in the story, the Devil calls up a jury of the damned (all music-inspired of course), but this time they are pretty clearly conjured from the pits of Hell, so why weren’t we doing that before?

There are only three jurors (time and animation constraints), which Daniel tries to call the Devil out on, but he just clones them all three times for a full jury.

The weasel asks the Devil to call his first witness, which is himself. Um… sure, that’s legal. You seriously mean to tell me he’s the Devil, with access to the entirety of the pits of Hell, and he couldn’t find a single lawyer to join him as co-counsel? This is a fantasy film.

Anyway, after calling himself to the stand, the Devil begins to question Jan! Yep, he’s asking questions of the defendant (although this movie thinks the defendant is Daniel), who he didn’t even call to the stand. Despite the stupid technicalities Daniel tries to end the trial on (She was too young, she was too small), he never tries to call this out.

Instead of trying to win the trial on legal grounds, Daniel breaks into a song called “Look Where the Music Can Take You,” and he’s soon joined by a whole bunch of animals, including Jan’s old band. The weasel likes the song so much that he declares Jan not guilty, because apparently “a song from the heart beats the Devil every time.” That’s nice and all, but Daniel wrote and sang this song, not Jan, right? Whatever. The Devil promises to be meaner from this point forward (heh?) and takes the dead back to Hell as the mice celebrate.

I get that The Devil and Daniel Webster is really just a short story written like a folk tale , but as a 25 minute TV special? For kids? With mice? Even after a definitive film version was made? It’s just a weird combination. It changes a few things, but not enough to be interesting, and definitely not enough to interest kids in it. Why do so many kids’ specials end in trials?

Ultimately, The Devil and Daniel Mouse is weird, but it’s definitely not the weirdest yet. There are a couple of amusing lines (The Devil interrupts the weasel at one point before he can say “Is the Pope Catholic?”), but for the most part, it just seems to have a weird grasp on who its target audience is.

Only two specials remain, but we’ve got plenty of weirdness to come.

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The Paul Lynde Halloween Special

• Year: 1976
• Director: Sidney Smith
• Starring: Paul Lynde, Margaret Hamilton, Tim Conway

I’ll be the first to admit that I am not of the generation where variety shows were the norm. A bizarre stage show with hokey skits, decades-old one-liners and endless mugging to the camera was absolutely more typical in the ’70s than it would be today. That said, I cannot imagine that the response to The Paul Lynde Halloween Special was anything resembling positive when it first aired in 1976.

Let’s take a look at the cast and crew of this thing, shall we?

TEN WRITERS? This thing had ten writers? How does a cornball variety show where Paul Lynde just kind of “Paul Lyndes” his way through the thing require the talents of ten separate writers? Was this some kind of Springtime for Hitler arrangement where they just all threw their names on there to get paid?

What’s that? I can’t accuse this of being a Springtime for Hitler? Why?

So what? I said The Christmas Tree also felt like a Springtime for Hitler scenario. Where does it say that in the rules?

Well that’s unfortunate and oddly specific.

Oh I’m sorry. Did you not enjoy that random cutaway to a silly and mostly-irrelevant sketch? Then you’re in for some real terror as I review The Paul Lynde Halloween Special.

We start with Paul Lynde dressed in a Santa suit trimming his tree, when his housekeeper Margaret (Margaret Hamilton) tells him it’s not Christmas.

Margaret Hamilton, famous for her role as the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz, is playing Paul Lynde’s housekeeper on a variety show 40 years later. She deserved better.

Since it’s not Christmas, Paul figures it has to be Easter and comes out in his bunny costume, which it makes perfect sense that he would keep in his home just in case.

Margaret again tells him he’s wrong, and Paul then assumes it must be Valentine’s Day…

Oh… that’s a lot tamer than I was expecting. Maybe a Cupid costume would have been too far for 1976 network television? Margaret of course tells him he’s wrong again, and he rattles off some other holidays like Chinese New Year (which thankfully he doesn’t have a costume for… small battles) before finally realizing it’s Halloween.

Paul then breaks into a Halloween-themed version of “Kids” from Bye Bye Birdie, which Wikipedia tells me was his signature number… look I’m going to be using Wikipedia and IMDB a lot for this one. I’m not sure if he couldn’t sing or he’s intentionally doing a bad job, but it’s not really pleasant. Donny and Marie Osmond also pop up for some reason. Maybe they needed to have more cast members than WRITERS. How do you need TEN WRITERS?

Anyway, we finally get to the main story of our special, and I use that phrase in the lightest way possible. My Dinner with Andre had a more complex plot than this. Margaret is driving Paul to see her sister (Billie Hays), who is revealed to be Witchiepoo from H.R. Pufnstuff (Thanks again Wikipedia.). Ironically “puff” and “stuff” are the only tolerable ways to get through this special. Margaret Hamilton of course reveals that she too is a witch (They never outright say “Wicked Witch of the West” because rights and all, but we all know.).

They do some stereo-typically witchy things like cackling and offering horrible food and drink. They also have a dwarf butler who exists only for Paul to rattle off some horrible one-liners about short people. Really, ten writers?

The witches introduce Paul to Miss Halloween 1976 (Betty White) who was apparently under the misconception that she had won a date with Paul Newman, not Paul Lynde (The likelihood of sex would be equal in both cases.). She then rattles off other famous Pauls she’d rather date like Paul McCartney or Paul Williams. PAUL WILLIAMS? Yes, that strikingly handsome beacon of raw sexuality Paul Williams.

The witches then tell Paul Lynde they want him to be their spokesperson, because he’s famous and can convince everyone that witches aren’t evil. Didn’t Bewitched do that already? Anyway, as a token of gratitude, they give Paul three wishes.

For his first wish, the flamboyantly gay Paul Lynde wishes to be a trucker. However, he looks more like a rejected Elton John concept album than a trucker.

What does this have to do with Halloween? Don’t give me this “He’s in a costume” thing either, because every actor in every scene ever is technically in a costume. Anyway, Trucker Paul is in competition with another trucker played by Tim “What Kind of Hard Times Did He Fall On” Conway. First Harvey Korman in the Star Wars Holiday Special and now Tim Conway in this?

Paul and Tim are both in love with Pinky Tuscadero (Roz Kelly), a character from Happy Days that I guess they just carried over into this special. It’s either that or everyone got the actress and the character confused. That seems odd to me as the internet tells me she only played this character on Happy Days for a handful of episodes, but whatever, nothing in this special makes any sense. As with the rest of this writing, you can see the jokes coming a mile away (“You can’t marry the both of us, that’s bigamy. Big of you? That’s big of me.”).

These jokes are like if you put all of Groucho Marx’s material in a blender, emptied the blender completely, and hired some hack comedy writers to write them instead. This scene ends in a hoedown-style number where Paul sings all of his lines into a CB Radio, and it’s honestly one of the most coherent things in the whole special.

Next up, the witches introduce Paul to their good friends, the band KISS, who perform (translated: lip sync) “Detroit Rock City.” Again, it’s a variety show, but what does this have to do with Halloween? Because they’re in costume? Really? Their music isn’t scary or atmospheric or anything, just kind of generic rock.

For Paul’s second wish, he wishes to be a sheikh and a great lover. He walks into a tent with Florence Henderson, who plays a British noblewoman he calls the “prisoner of my love”, and it’s as rapey as it sounds. Moving on…

Paul’s third wish is for the witches to go to a disco party, because it’s a 1976 variety show and we have to do this. Florence Henderson comes out and painfully lip syncs a disco version of “A Little Night Magic,” which features some very odd camera angles and zoom-ins.

KISS then sings two more songs, because this is basically a KISS show with some Paul Lynde bits thrown in, and the special ends with everyone singing a gender neutral version of “Disco Lady” called “Disco Baby.”

There’s not enough material here for a 5-minute Saturday Night Live skit let alone an hour-long variety show. It is nowhere as weird as the Star Wars Holiday Special, but only because that’s one of the weirdest things ever made. Just when you think something in The Paul Lynde Halloween Special is padding, you cut to the next scene, which feels even more like padding. I chuckled maybe once. The only merit of this is seeing Margaret Hamilton reprise her iconic role, because she clearly hasn’t missed a beat. Let’s see where it ends up on the Weirdness Scale.

Yes, it’s the weirdest so far. I’m still convinced something weirder might come, but I can’t unsee this.

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Halloween is Grinch Night

• Year: 1977
• Director: Gerald Baldwin
• Starring: Hans Conried, Gary Shapiro, Henry Gibson

 

Another Grinch special, but how can it be?

The first is a classic and now Halloween?

The Grinch changed his ways, how can this be a sequel?

Is it a reboot, a re-imagining, a prequel?

They say Seuss preferred his special of the Halloween season

Don’t ask me why though, no one quite knows the reason.

It could be the fact that it’s chock full of frights

It could be perhaps, the atmosphere of the night

But you want my guess? Ok I’ll make the call,

Ol’ Seuss dropped some acid, and he dropped it all.

It does seem the standard of online reviews,

If ever, whenever, they talk about Seuss,

They imitate his style, they imitate his form.

Heck, these days it seems

This is just the norm.

So if you hate the rhyming

Then you are in luck.

But if you thought it’d continue

Then you’re one dumb person.

 

In 1977, Dr. Seuss released the TV sequel to How the Grinch Stole Christmas, 11 years after the classic Christmas special. As with the original, the same actor voices both The Grinch and the narrator. However, since Boris Karloff had died, the dual role is performed by Hans Conried, famous for voicing Captain Hook in Disney’s Peter Pan and Thorin in the Rankin/Bass The Hobbit, among other things. He gives a nice colorful narration here, and his Grinch is great too. He’s not going for a Karloff impression, which is for the best, but rather making the character his own. His voice is reedy and more wavering than Karloff’s, but it still works for the character.

We start off with the creepiness right away, as the title card features The Grinch flashing a smile Jack Torrance would be proud of.

The opening credits sequence kind of spoils some things that happen in the climax, but I guess they don’t make much sense without the context (they don’t make much sense with it either). Let’s see who did the music for this thing…

Wow, I guess when you need a break from Sesame Street, you take a job on a disturbing children’s special. Good thing no one ever did drugs while producing Sesame Street…

I take that back. This might be normal in comparison.

Anyway, it’s dusk on an autumn night in Whoville when suddenly the Whos smell the “sour sweet wind” coming and immediately run inside and barricade the doors.

Why, you ask? Well it’s surprisingly complex. The wind apparently causes the “gree grumps” (who live inside the tree stumps) to wake up

When the gree grumps growl enough, it causes the water in the pond to start flowing, because Seuss Science. The rushing water awakens the “hackencracks” from under it…

Who start yowling, which finally causes The Grinch to wake up. Hoo boy, it’s question time.

1. Is The Grinch asleep the rest of the time? How did he (or how does in the future, if this is a prequel) come down at Christmas?
2. Is he just woken up by noise in general? Doesn’t noise just wake everyone up? Why do we need this giant chain reaction?
3. Is it this giant chain reaction that gives him the special powers he exhibits during this special? He seems to have none of them in Christmas.
4. What starts the “sour sweet wind,” huh? Did The Grinch’s rune appear in the sky like in Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers?

Grandpa Josiah (Hal Smith), a particularly Amish-looking Who sings to his family about how they should stay indoors, and that he wouldn’t go out on Grinch Night for various small amounts of money ($1.50, later $2.50, finally $6.60).

Who is offering him these comically specific amounts of money to step outside anyway?

Up on Mount Crumpit, The Grinch is looking forward to Grinch Night and asks his dog Max to bring the “Paraphernalia Wagon.” I love how the special makes no attempt to hide the fact that plenty of drugs were used in the making of it. The Paraphernalia Wagon? Way too on the nose there.

Meanwhile, Josiah’s grandson Euchariah (Gary Shapiro) suggests that they call the “Grinch Alarm Center” to see if The Grinch is actually on his way to terrorize the town. So wait… the Whos have an entire alarm center set up to see if The Grinch is coming, but they’re not going to do anything about it if he comes? Why aren’t there cops roaming the streets? Can he only get you if you’re outside?

At this point not caring how obvious it is that this special was made on hallucinogens, the head of The Grinch Alarm Center appears out of a giant mushroom.

Before The Grinch begins his trek down to Whoville, he breaks into “Grinch Night Ball,” a Dixieland-style number that comes out of nowhere. The music in this special is all over the place in style, but this is still weird in comparison. It doesn’t really do much to further the plot except establish that The Grinch is on his way to Whoville, which we already knew.

On the way down, we get to hear Max (Henry Gibson) sing his internal monologue in the form of a very sad ballad about the life he wishes he had. It’s a pretty touching moment, and it’s played over some very nice scenery, but for some reason, The Grinch can apparently read his thoughts. Yeah, he even interrupts the internal monologue! What powers does this “sour sweet wind” really give him?

Before he even gets near Whoville, The Grinch makes sure to engage in some extra jerkishness just because. He runs over a field of flowers, and when he misses one, he makes Max back up the wagon and run it over! He also chases down an endangered species! It’s something called the “Wuzzy Woozoo,” which the head of The Grinch Alarm Center says is “the only one left in our community.”

Heck, we even get a song about The Grinch’s evil deeds, which I am absolutely convinced was written for the sake of people watching this with the intent of mocking it Mystery Science Theater-style. Just look at these lyrics: “He defoliates, depreciates, deflating all the things he hates. He activates, he castigates, he blastergates.” There’s even a brief pause after this, as if they’re just daring the audience to sing what they’re thinking. It’s kind of hilarious and also kind of disturbing.

Back in Whoville, Euchariah asks to break protocol and walk outside because he has to “go to the euphemism.” This was 1977, and talking about the toilet on TV was still frowned upon, so this is a pretty clever Seussian way to skirt around this. However…

The Whos have invented TELEPHONES but they don’t have INDOOR PLUMBING? These people really don’t have their priorities straight. Also, shouldn’t Euchariah receive his tiny amount of money for walking outside on Grinch Night? Who knows, maybe it’s even increased by now? At one point, the offscreen singers say they wouldn’t go out on Grinch Night for $66,600,000.66. That escalated quickly.

However, within moments of going outside, Euchariah is blown away by the sour sweet wind and winds up on Mount Crumpit. He sees the Woozoo and Max, resulting in the very Tommy Wiseau-esque line “Oh a Woozoo. Oh a doggy.”

Um… one of these is the sole remaining creature of its species and you react to it the exact same way you do to a dog! Have some appreciation for what you’re seeing, kid. Come to think of it, should he even know what a woozoo is, seeing as how it’s endangered? I’m overthinking this now.

When Euchariah finally sees The Grinch on top of the wagon, he asks “Are you really The Grinch?” No Euchy, it’s that OTHER monstrous green creature who lives atop the mountain and rides the wagon down every Halloween! Nevertheless, The Grinch proves he is who he says he is by having his eyebrows fly off his face like a bat! They fly right towards Euchy as The Grinch sings some random syllables.

I’d call this drugged-out and weird, but I know what’s coming in a few minutes so I’ll hold back. This scares Euchy for a little bit, but he soon decides that he has to stop The Grinch before he goes down to Whoville and does… whatever he’s planning on doing.

Euchy asks The Grinch to scare him some more, but The Grinch insist he’s already given him the two dollar treatment… come on, Seuss, there had to be a better way to word that. Anyway, after some arguing, The Grinch finally agrees to open the paraphernalia wagon and scare Euchy properly. So begins the trippiest, most random, drugged-out animated sequence since the Pink Elephants from Dumbo. I can’t really describe it in words, and pictures will only partially do the trick, but I’ll try my best.

It definitely starts out going for more of a scary vibe. I mean, look at these ghosts… or Klansmen… or Spy vs. Spy rejects.

This green thing starts to chase Euchy…

And these ghosts show up…

After that, it cuts back on the traditionally scary and just goes all out drug trip.

It’s not even scary as much as it is something out of M.C. Escher’s fever dream. The animators just decided to go all out weird, and you know what? It’s incredibly creative. It’s clearly the reason the special exists, and it’s definitely interesting.

When all of this ends, the sour sweet wind is beginning to go away, which for whatever reason means The Grinch has to go back up the mountain. However, Max has bonded with Euchy and runs down to Whoville with him. This only makes it more disturbing if this is a prequel though, as apparently The Grinch gets him back by the next one. Maybe he just keeps getting new dogs and naming them Max? In a final creepy moment, The Grinch turns right to the camera and say “I’ll be coming back some day” and lets out an evil laugh as he hauls his wagon home alone.

The special ends with the very catchy gospel-esque number “Grinch Has Gone Away” as Euchy returns home. It would actually be nice if this song went on a bit longer, but I guess that eyebrows scene was important or something.

Besides Dr. Seuss himself who preferred this to the classic Christmas special, no one is going to make an argument that this compares with How the Grinch Stole Christmas. However, it’s such a weird, trippy special with a bizarre mishmash of songs and nice atmosphere that I do enjoy the thing. Hans Conried is great in the dual role, and the animators are clearly going all out. Let’s see where it ranks on the Weirdness Scale.

It is weird, but it still makes sense and has a coherent plot. There could be something weirder yet.

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